Best I'll ever be
by Heart of Summer
Summary: Harry has finally conquered Voldemort... but as he wakes up he realizes that the one he wants by his side at that moment isn't. Remembering with fear all the times they've shared Harry goes out on a wild search to find Hermione - dead or alive. Please R


**Best I'll Ever Be  
**_  
Summary: _Harry has finally won… the war is over. But when he wakes up he realizes one thing… Hermione isn't next to him! He runs out on a wild search to find her – because the urge to see her conquers all other matters.

* * *

**A/N: I got this idea from reading the lyrics, and when I then heard the song I fell in love. I wrote the story in the way I felt the story was being told between the lines. It's a typical summer song, and I'm telling you... to get into the mood, please listen to the song. It's "Best I'll ever be" by Sister Hazel. I haven't read the book yet, so this is to the people who haven't… and have! It doesn't matter since HHr is forever! Please RR!**

* * *

**I miss you  
I miss being overwhelmed by you  
And I need rescue  
I think I'm fading away  
But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear  
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room**

The soft, familiar voice pierced trough the darkness.

Harry's fingers twitched. His eyelids slowly opened as the sunlight crept down between the branches, its golden beams hitting the ground where he was lying. When the sun connected with his iris the pain came back to him. He felt the uncomfortable position and the hard ground his back was pressed down against. He gave up a little moan and tried to sit. The pain in his head was so intense that he saw stars.

That's when all the memories of the previous night came flowing back to him like a giant tsunami. He'd defeated Voldemort. He'd finally won over You-know-who... He... he was gone.

The leaves in the treetop moved in a common rattle to remind him that it was summer. He was very stiff in all his limbs but strangely enough the most serious injury was the deep cut in his forehead were his scar previously had been found. He also had gained some small bruises covering his arms and legs and his clothes were pretty much ripped to pieces; but that was it. He was alive and breathing! How could that be?

Of course many from the order and his other friends had come this far to protect him, he would never forget the image of Parvati being burned to crisp, Colin's desperate tries to escape the giant or Cho crawling on the ground in screams of pain caused by the crucio curse.

Harry let his fingers go trough his messy black hair with tears stinging his eyes as he noticed the color on his hand, splashing over it like red paint. He had stopped bleeding, but he'd probably lost a lot of blood. His shirt was covered in the red consistent and his hair was most likely full of it as well.

Harry blinked a couple of times in an attempt to stop his head from spinning and then slowly stood up with the trunk as support. He leaned his back against the tree and sighed. It was a wonderful weather. It fitted somehow with mood. All the people who'd died had done it protecting the world… now wasn't that great? Everyone who'd died and still, _still _he'd ended up as the hero. He wasn't. Everyone except him was heroes. He was only a murderer.

There was no way to stop the thoughts from creeping onto him, giving him goose bumps. Even if he still hadn't forgotten Hermione's words:

"Harry, you're not a murderer! Think of all the people you're saving! That's a wonderful thing; you're special!"

But she was wrong too for once.

**So I wait and I wait  
And I run old scenes through my tired head  
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever  
Was that the best I'll ever be**

Harry started to walk with careful steps out from underneath the tree and a hot breeze played in his raven black, messy hair. Pushing the broken glasses further up his nose he kept walking through the yellow grass of the meadow that reached all the way up to his knees, crunching sweetly underneath his shoes.

He remembered when she'd told him that.

_They'd been sitting under the tree by the lake, all three of them. Ron had fallen asleep though. Poor guy, all the homework before the exams and the quidditch games had been killing him._

_So they'd been sitting there with Ron between them; his snoring would be the only sound as they gazed over the big lake, enjoying each others company._

_He remembered how Hermione had looked up from her book to greet the wind with a soft smile. The breeze had caused her fringe to move slowly across her forehead. Her hazel eyes had been so warm, like she couldn't have been happier than just sitting there with her two best friends and a good book at Hogwarts' grounds. She'd somehow looked so peaceful. He'd just though that it was the perfect moment to bring up some of the things that had been bothering him for quite a while. She was pretty the only one he could really talk to now. Sure, Ron was great, but he couldn't handle it especially well, if you see what I mean. He was a little too naive to really listen and then come up with good enough advice. His advising wasn't _that_ bad, at least it would make him smile at times, but Hermione always told him the truth – even if it was the thing he wanted to hear the least. And that was exactly what he _needed_. _

_So he'd asked her what she'd thought killing someone meant. He'd hoped she'd told him how it would be taking someone's life but she'd understood what he'd meant at once._

"_Killing a death eater for example", she'd said matter-of-factly, "is like doing people a favor. Of course; life's a life, but killing someone who literally sold his soul to the devil, should be counted as helping." she took in a small breathe before continuing. "Saving hundreds of lives just by ending one; that is worth it. No matter how cruel murder may seem..." Then she'd noticed Harry's frown and she had laid down on her stomach and put away her book._

"_What do you think?" She'd asked. Harry was so surprised by the question he hadn't been able to get out a word at first. Even if he'd thought about it for so long he'd nearly gone mad, he didn't really know what he thought._

"_Of course I know Voldemort..." (at this Ron had moved uneasy in his sleep, like he'd somewhat heard Harry say it) "is a horrible killer and that he controls humans and want to be the ruler of the world. I know he was so obsessed by his power that he offered his "life" for drinking elixir stirred from the Philosophers stone and that he split his soul into seven pieces, but... Hermione, _

_you don't understand." Hermione's face had grown cheekier as she'd heard the challenge. She was a Gryffindor after all._

"_Try me." After a couple of seconds with Hermione searching for his gaze with a golden flicker in her eyes, Harry had finally given up and met them._

"_It's just... he used to be just like me, you know. No parents, no real home, lived at a care center. He looked freakishly like me too, and he has the exact same wand as me!"_

"_You may have some things in common, but you're not alike. You're not the same person as he is, Harry!" Her expression had been so serious that Harry had believed in her words at once._

"_Harry, look... you're special. You're not just a great wizard, you're a great person. I forgot to tell you that in our first year. I thought about it, and now, there I said it. You've got to understand... you're not him. You never will be. He might've given you some of his "talents" but he didn't turn you into him. You're Harry, not Tom." They'd locked eyes for a couple of moments and then Harry had looked away, saying:_

"_No, because I could never have such a sulky old name as Tom. What is that?" Hermione had stared at him for a couple of second, like she had to make sure she'd not heard him wrong; that he'd just made a joke about You-know-who, and then a laugh escaped her lips. It'd grown louder and soon he'd laughed with her. They'd just been lying there together and laughed, just enjoying how the life of a normal teenager should be. And somehow, even after his escape with Ginny, he'd never felt happier. He'd never felt so normal - _or so alive.

_After a while Hermione had stopped laughing and wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. She had smiled so sweetly towards him that he'd believed there was something else hidden behind those dark, chocolate colored eyes._

"_I haven't laughed like that in quite a while", she'd mused._

"_Me neither", Harry had smiled back._

"_I wish it could be like this forever" Hermione had sighed after a while and rolled over to her back. She'd studied the clouds and just felt the warmth of the grass. And Harry had watched her lying there, slightly smiling and he'd whispered:_

"_Me too."_

**I miss you  
I miss talking all night long with you  
And I need this to find a way to your home  
My love can you hear me  
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough  
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone**

Harry finally saw some people on the field.

He desperately tried to walk faster, his heart beating hard against his ribs. When Ron saw him he rose quickly to his feet and turned the emergency kit upside down in the process. He pulled Harry into a hug that was in the same class as Mrs. Weasley's bone crushing ones. The red head was a lot taller than Harry but Harry wasn't short either. And this wasn't a "guy-hug"; it was a real one.

"Harry, I thought I would never see you again, mate!" He had tears in his eyes. Harry felt himself blink away the tears all the same.



"Is everyone alright?" He asked worriedly. Ron's smile grew even bigger.

"Yes! Fred and George are helping out over there, mum is with them and Ginny is lying over there with Draco. She's hurt, but not so bad – she's fine, actually. She's only broken her leg and is waiting for her turn. Bill and Fleur are out looking for survivors."

The Weasley family had lost three beloved members that were all greatly missed. Arthur had died a half year ago, and Charlie and Percy had both been killed when the Burrow had been attacked. It was sad that Percy only had been living with his family again for two months, but Harry had never seen that side of him before. He'd been so happy.

Harry and Ron went over to Ginny and Malfoy who was sitting on the ground with her head in his lap. He could have never believed that anyone could actually look so pleased after loosing both his mother and father. Malfoy had turned around and fought against Voldemort and made it with his life. He'd never been evil on the inside, he was what you usually called a black sheep, and what Bellatrix screamed before Neville and Malfoy had finished her; a shame for the Malfoy family. But maybe that wasn't so bad. Now everyone was joking with him and Mrs. Weasley had pulled him into a bone crushing hug for his bravery. That had been the first time Harry had really seen Draco blush.

Now he sat there, smiling, while he was chatting almost freely with the girl in his lap. When Harry came up to them Malfoy's jaw fell and his smile might've disappeared for a moment.

"Potter."

"Malfoy." Ginny looked up and gave up a loud scream.

"Harry!" She tried to get up but she fell straight onto Malfoy. Her face became tomato red and she quickly turned to face Harry. Harry hugged her on the ground and she cried on his shoulder.

"Y-You made it..." Harry's heart sank as he heard that. A picture of Hermione flashed before his eyes as it felt like he had something like a hairball stuck in his throat and he stood up so quickly that Ginny fell straight on the top of Malfoy again.

"I'm sorry Draco", she mumbled. Malfoy just laughed and it was a funny sound because you'd never heard his real laugh before. Ginny didn't smile though; she turned to glare at Harry. But before she could say anything she noticed Harry's expression.

"Hermione", Harry whispered with a voice that was nearly breaking. "Where's Hermione?"

Ron, who'd happily followed Harry over, froze.

His eyes became glossy as he couldn't bear to look at Harry.

"Where. Is. She?" He asked through gritted teeth. He studied to two Weasley children that were both avoiding his gaze.

"We don't know", Ginny said when Ron didn't answer. Harry nearly fainted, his heart jumped up and accompanied that hairball and he felt light-headed.

"You don't know?" Ron shook his head and held up his hands in defense.

"Look, the search party is out looking for survivors, she might actually still be alive..."

Harry couldn't make his mind unfold, he just stood there staring. Then Tonks came up to him with Lupin just behind her.



"Harry?" The Auror pulled him into a huge hug, but Harry barely noticed. The werewolf did though.

"Are you okay Harry?" He asked, thinking something had happened during the fight. Harry didn't look up but pulled out his wand and stepped away from Tonks.

"I have to find her." He started running and Ron shouted after him:

"Harry, you don't even know where the search party has gone!"

"I don't care!" He kept running trough the camp, ignoring people who were coming up to him to give him their congratulations. He quickly ran away from Fred and George and when McGonagall called out for him he ignored her. Neville and Luna came together, Luna with her arm hanging down her side, not moving, but even though Harry cared about his friends he just kept running with only one thing on his mind. _Hermione._

Their last alone talk before heading out to battle Voldemort… _It had been night and Harry had been sitting in the library of Godric's Hollow having trouble sleeping. The book he was reading was thick and filled with a sweet handwriting. You could sense it was the one of a woman. If you looked at Harry's face that moment you'd know as well._

_A girl tiptoed in behind him, but stopped after stepping into the room and you could see a small smile covering her face as she studied him. Her head titled slightly to the right as she closed her eyes and sighed. _

"_Oh Harry". Harry turned around and looked at the girl and his breath had been caught in his throat. The light that shone had made her look like an angel and this was what Harry had thought her to be. _

"_Mu…" then he realized it wasn't Lily Potter who was watching him. It was Hermione. _

_Hermione took a few steps toward him while she smiled heavenly. Harry was dumbstruck as he realized how much of a woman she'd become. He wondered if she'd ever get the chance to marry, have children and grow old? She would defiantly be a good mother. _

"_Nervous?" she asked as she stopped in front of the fire to give the stone wall a small tap with her index finger so that its light would shimmer down. The light was very faint now and you could just only make out the edges of the two people glowing in the dim light. _

_Harry felt thankful for this action of Hermione since he didn't want her to see him crying. Hermione was in front of him now and she reached out to wipe away the tears streaming down his face. _

"_How's it going with your mother's diary? Finding anything useful?" _

"_No. She seems to only have written about dad and how they met and…" His voice nearly broke. _

"_It's okay Harry", Hermione whispered. She said it so softly that Harry could just barely hear her words. _

"_I-I didn't even get a chance to get to know them, so I shouldn't be having these feelings…" Hermione's eyes were studying him but she never made a move to touch him. She knew he would pull away if she reached out at that moment. _

"_You still have a heart Harry. You wish you'd known them. You miss knowing them" _



"_All this Dumbledore told me", Harry said. "In first year when I looked into the Mirror of Erised I saw my whole family together with me…" Hermione nodded. _

"_I'm sure you would see something else now but that will probably always stay as your heart's wish, Harry". _

"_I wonder what I would see now". _

"_Me too. But maybe that's the thing. It's really hard to know your heart's deepest wish or worst fear…" at this she threw a quick look in the direction of the door. "… but knowing this doesn't make you any wiser. It only show; it doesn't give you a solution." Hermione got down at her knees and Harry could feel her hands on his legs, weighing in his lap. He knew she was looking at him but he only looked over her shoulder and into the fading ashes left of the fire. _

"_I'm scared". _

"_You're supposed to be. Otherwise it wouldn't be right" Hermione answered. Harry moved uneasy, and at this Hermione couldn't help herself anymore and took his hands in hers. Harry's gaze snapped down to them. _

"_But know that we're here with you Harry. You don't have to be scared alone. We're just as scared as you are. In fact; I'm terrified. Still I don't have as much right as you have". _

"_What are you scared of?" Harry asked softly. He didn't know why, but he needed to know. Hermione brought his hands to her face as she kissed them. Then she leaned her forehead upon them. _

"_To loose". _

"_Me too-" Harry thought for a moment and then realized that was only half true. "But not to loose to him, not really." Hermione didn't move, but Harry knew her eyes had reopened. _

"_I'm scared to loose everyone I love now."_

"_I know", Hermione's voice rang. "That's the fear in most people nowadays. You see? You're not alone…"_

"_No", he said "But I will be if you and Ron go away." His voice was filled with pain as tears started dripping again, and they fell upon Hermione. "Without the two of you I have no one. I couldn't… bear to loose you."_

"_It's okay Harry. We're your family now. And we'll do anything to protect you" she added sweetly. Harry still cried as he leaned his head down to hers and after a while Hermione crept up beside him. Harry's head came to her shoulder as she held him. _

_That morning when Ron woke up it was far too early for his usual wake up call. He quickly went to look up on both his friends but found himself quite alarmed when he couldn't find either one in their rooms. He realized that he'd have to ask Hermione and she was probably hiding out in the library. The last week he'd found her sleeping there with a heavy book in her lap. She had been sneaking up late to read more about their subjects on the Dark arts to be able to fight at equal terms. Harry hadn't known about it but he had noticed Hermione's constant yawning and the bags under her eyes. He'd probably just assumed it was his fault of scaring her so much that she was unable to find any peace in the night. He felt the same way – Ron had often heard him screaming because of the horrible dreams he had. But he'd never done anything about it; Hermione had been with him in a second, calming him down and giving him simple sleep potions _

_to give him enough rest to last through the next day. No matter how much Harry had insisted she'd refused to take any potions herself. _

"_Unnecessary", she'd said and ended the conversation. _

_When Ron opened the door to the library he did indeed see Hermione's hair point out behind one of the big armchair that could fit Hagrid's bottom in it. He quietly got up to it and opened his mouth when he saw that she wasn't alone. Harry was lying next to her, his cheek resting against her shoulder. Hermione's head was titled and placed on top of his, her curls partly hiding both their faces the way they were hanging down. As his eyes crept away from their peaceful faces and down to their hands, a small smile appeared on his lips. He felt a small amount of pain surging in his center, but still he couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he turned around and walked out, his head hanging down. _

_The image of his two best friends' fingers intertwined was enough to break anyone's heart. _

**So I wait and I wait  
And I run myself in the same old circles  
I sit and I stare  
And I run old scenes through my tired head  
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever  
Was that the best I'll ever be**

Harry remembered when they'd been told by McGonagall that they had to leave Hogwarts.

_The day had been great; many of the pupils had tried to bath in the lake and Harry, Ron and Hermione had spent the morning in the library, studying for their NEWTs. Everything had indeed been wonderful, a Friday actually. So they'd looked forward to have a peaceful weekend because Hermione had finally accepted to fight her fear of heights and Harry had promised to help her learn how to fly a broom. It had been the trio and Ginny's most discussed topic that week._

_While Ginny and Luna had helped Neville with something about growing new strange plants Hermione, Ron and Harry had gone down to the lake to read and play wizard chess. While Harry had been thinking about his next move he'd noticed (mostly because he knew he was going to loose and wanted Ron to think of something else) that Hermione had been reading Hogwarts: A history once again_

"_How many times have you read it?" Harry asked half curious._

"_How many times have you read that old dust collector?" Ron righted him, maybe a little _too_ insensitive._

"_Shut up Ron, there's really interesting facts in here... and besides", she mumbled, "it is getting new information every year, so it's getting bigger and thicker all the time."_

"_Oh, that's very interesting", Ron said ironically, but Harry got the hunch._

"_You mean we're all three in it?" Hermione nodded and then showed them the page she'd been reading. And it was no wonder she'd tears in her eyes._

_On the page beside a very small beautiful written text was a big picture that was of three children. It was two boys and one girl, they couldn't have been more that eleven and one of them had raven black hair, one bushy brown curls and one's had a color of red. But the most amazing was that they were all standing in a room, with a broom in the air in front of them, and the room _

_itself was full of birds. But no, when you looked closer you noticed that these things did have feathers, even wings, but they were actually not birds. They were keys._

"_Bloody hell", Ron said as he stared at the picture. Hermione had just smiled._

"_We're a big part of Hogwarts' history, and every great achievement has meant something to the castle. There are things from all our first four years. The fifth year is there about the DA and about Firenze and Umbridge of course. But... in sixth year there's only two things. One: The castle was attacked by You-know-who's followers, also called deatheaters. And Two: Another great principal passed away and had his funeral on Hogwarts grounds." She sighed. "Now Albus Dumbledore's picture is hanging in the present principal's office together with all the other previous headmasters and headmistress of the castle."_

_Harry looked from Hermione to Ron and back again. Ron looked really shocked still and Hermione just smiled smugly to herself. All three of them jumped five feet up in the air when suddenly McGonagall's voice was heard flowing all over Hogwarts' grounds._

"All students shall go to the great hall at once, I repeat..." _Hermione's face immediately turned serious as she stood up and together the three friends hurried into the castle, awaiting the bad news._

**Can't keep my hands from shaking  
Stumbling through the wreckage again  
But you're gone**

Harry stumbled into the forest and spun around, his eyes stinging.

"Hermione!" he cried on the top of his lungs. There was no answer but the distant creaking from the trees. He kept walking around shouting and trying not to care about the branches that were hitting him constantly in the already hurt face. The walking made his head spin and soon he felt like he couldn't breathe. Suddenly he tripped over something and fell flat on his face. The ground was hard and dirty. Harry held his hand to his forehead and looked up to meet a pair of terrified eyes. The corps had its eyes wide open in horror and not a scratch on the body could be found but the expression was enough to give you nightmares for a lifetime. Coldness washed over Harry as he stood up and backed away, his eyes transfixed upon the body.

But he didn't get far before he stumbled over something else and this time fell backwards.

He was so afraid that his stomach hurt and a wave of relief washed over him when he realized it wasn't yet another corpse.

Harry swallowed hard as he looked away from the root of the tree that had sneaked its way up to gaze at the fading light of the sun greeting it between the branches. He moved away from it, stood up and called out for Hermione once again, only to feel his voice failing him. He leaned his back against a tree and felt the tears in his eyes. He knelt down next to a dirty pool of water and studied his own reflection. The scar was gone and the worst thing was that he found himself missing it. It had been the only thing he'd really liked with the way he looked, his only real memory of his parents. He used the water to wash away the dried blood and tears from his face, determined to find her.

The fog's cold had started to sneak its way to him and after wiping off the water on his trousers he put his hands together and blew a warm breathe in between the fingers in a nervous attempt to regain the feel and melt away some of the numbness.



Suddenly voices were heard and Harry pressed his back against the trunk. If he moved the… two of them, he realized, would notice him at once. That's when another sound was heard from behind his hiding spot.

Harry's heart leapt to his throat and his fingers reached for his wand, but then he heard the faint whisper inside his head. 'Harry…?'

Harry spun around and watched a shadow blink at him with a hand supporting her weight against a tree. Seeing it really was him, the girl carelessly took a step from the protection of the dark woods, reaching out for him. Her legs failed her and she fell helplessly to the ground. When she tried to stop her downfall with her arms they also were too tired to keep up her body and she fell, face down, onto the dark forest floor.

Ignoring the cautions his mind gave him Harry threw himself out to her, covering her body with his own. Just as he tapped his wand in the ground and whispered 'protecto patronum', two of the remaining Deatheaters saw them.

They stumbled into the glade and stared at the two children with grins covering their faces. Harry could smell the alcohol all the way over where he and Hermione were lying, but even so he was sure they would've recognized him. But it seemed that without his scar he wasn't that famous anymore.

The older one of the two grinned a toothless smile and raised his wand to cast one of the most hated spells, but the Crucio stopped in midair, absorbed by something that flashed in a color of bright purple for a second. Before he could act again Harry had brought down the protection and hissed a quick sentence.

Two white stripes shot out from the tip of Harry's wand and they clung themselves to the Deatheaters, wrapping them up in nice packages.

When the other man, a young blonde one, cried out and tried to rip it off, the tail turned around and opened its mouth in a hiss. It wasn't ropes; it was white snakes. They hugged their victims who cried even louder than before. Then the snakes buried their teeth in the helpless peoples' necks and soon they went off into a deep sleep.

Harry helped Hermione to sit up as he called the animals. They turned their heads to him and returned to his wand and in the form of white smoke.

When he turned his attention back to Hermione he realized she'd dozed off as well. He knew that she was okay by just touching her so he carefully picked her up and carried her through the woods, hoping they wouldn't meet up with anymore enemies.

But before he'd gotten any further than a couple of meters into the protection of the trees other sounds were heard from where the Deatheaters were sound asleep. Harry was able to throw himself down behind a bush just in time to see a group of people coming out from the trees. Harry felt his heart skip a beat and grinned as he realized who they were. But as he motioned to stand up a hand gripped his shirt.

"Don't", Hermione whispered.

**So I wait and I wait**

Her face was bent up towards him and her brown eyes were so dark around the iris he was afraid he'd drown in them. The golden flicker made it look like someone had started a fire there deep inside of her and its flames raised higher with every passing minute.



'Okay', Harry thought reassuringly and Hermione's eyes welled over with tears as she answered with thoughts as well;

'I don't want to be found yet'. Harry didn't like the idea but knew better than to protest. When Hermione had decided on something she wouldn't change her mind, even if it meant she would eventually get killed for it… This would probably only make her decision even more rational in her mind.

They kept quiet as the search party spoke in hushed voices, not daring to move.

"Fleur, you take 'em to the camp and the rest of yeh; les' go back and start over. We might've missed some". Hagrid's voice almost got Harry to his feet but he made himself stay for Hermione's sake. He was already having a hard time not pulling her into a perfect imitation of one of Mrs. Weasley's bone crushing hugs or pull her hair just to make sure she was real.

But his doubts were slowly washed away since he could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest against his and her warm breathe tickling his neck.

Harry swallowed hard to try and slow his own heartbeats down and let out a relieved sigh when they were finally alone.

Hermione let go of him and pulled away with a small smile.

"God", she whispered, trying out her own voice.

"Isn't it Merlin?" Harry mused.

"Idiot", Hermione bit back but her voice was soft. "What are you doing out here?" she then asked. Harry's smile grew wider.

"Looking for you of course." Hermione glared.

"Before taking care of your injuries?" This time it was Harry's turn to give her the stare.

"Yeah". His expression turned a little harder as he kept on; "But Ron and the others didn't".

"They had good reasons for it."

"Not good enough!" Harry said, feeling his blood boil. "Who'd rather save themselves before someone else dear to you!?"

"Just about everyone", Hermione sighed not looking at him. "People are selfish Harry, you know that." She picked up some straws from the ground and played with them instead of looking up. "Besides, a war changes people. It brings out their biggest fears – and they realize that no matter how much a life after this can offer they're afraid to die. You can't ask them to give up their lives, Harry. "

Harry almost gritted his teeth as he heard Hermione's words but he knew that she was right.

"Besides", she continued "when people face the truth that is brought to the surface they're even more scared. Because every little thing that kept them from not just following their heart doesn't matter anymore…" Harry somehow got the feeling Hermione had left the 'ordinary people' conversation behind. Her voice sounded very different when she talked about people she knew.

"My life has always been endangered but I've never had a problem risking my life for the ones I love." Hermione cheeks grew flushed.

"It's that saving people thing again, Harry." Harry almost forgot to be angry.



"You have it too, don't you?" Hermione's eyes finally left the grass between her fingers and met his just as green gaze. "You wouldn't leave me to die. You've been trying to find us; haven't you?" Hermione's cheeks grew even redder.

"You're different, Harry."

"Different _than_ you or different _to_ you?"

"Um… I…" Harry knew that Hermione had meant that she would follow him anywhere, so would Ron, but he needed to know _why_. It wasn't merely because of their friendship, considering Ron hadn't sought him up. But then again Ron had a family to take care of. Hermione was his family… and maybe that was why he'd sought her. But why'd she looked so desperately for him? She already had a family back in the muggle world who was awaiting her safe return.

"Because of who I am? Because of me, the famous Harry Potter?"

"Yes and no."

"Then which is it?"

"Because of _you_, not 'Harry'."

"What?" Harry felt confused.

"What I said." He watched her gaze at the ground; he hadn't realized how worn out she looked. Her eyes had bags big enough to fit five of her big books each, her hair was full of sticks and leaves and she had cuts and bruises all over her.

"Hermione! I'm so sorry, are you hurt?" Hermione jumped at his sudden outburst and looked up, nodding.

"I looked for you but there was so many Deatheaters..." she winced at the memories. "I hurt my knee and my wrist…" as she spoke Harry noticed that she'd been gripping it tightly all this time.

"Let me fix it." He crouched over to her and with a couple of sweet words Hermione's tight grip around the arm loosened.

"Thanks."

**And I run myself in the same old circles  
And I sit and I stare  
And I run old scenes through my tired head  
Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever**

They held each others gazes for a while.

Hermione reached for her own wand and took Harry's glasses off his nose.

"Occulus repairo", came the words from her lips. The cracks in the glass obeyed her orders even though it had only been in a soft whisper and melted away. Soon the glasses were whole again. Harry smiled at all the memories he had of her doing it.

"You're often doing that". Hermione didn't answer him. Instead she let her thumb go over the bows as in a way of making them purr.

"You know it's because of whom you are that I care so much Harry." She put his glasses back on and Harry watched her change into a more comfortable position in the dirt.

"Because I'm a hero?"



"No", Hermione shook her head furiously. "Harry…", Suddenly she looked up "Just Harry".

Nodding, they both moved away from each other. Harry felt his stomach turning hot.

Had Hermione really spoken those words? He felt both happy and heartbroken and he wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

No one had ever noticed that little boy named Harry. He'd been invisible to everyone; alone, scrawny and scarred for life in more ways than one. And now someone loved that little boy who once lived underneath the staircase.

That little boy, 'just Harry', had never disappeared. It was he who hid behind 'the famous Harry Potter' somewhere deep inside. It was the person he truly was and always would be. Even Ron had only seen the chosen one, the boy who lived sometimes, but not this girl. Hermione Granger had managed to see right through him, never referring to him as the famous one every girl wanted. And she'd always seen him. Harry… just Harry.

It was quiet for a while.

When Harry finally dared to glance at Hermione he saw her face still being turned away from him and she was sobbing quietly.

"Hermione?" He didn't move from his spot at the tree trunk but he would've if Hermione herself hadn't looked up at that particular moment. Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears. Blinking, they welled down onto her flushed cheeks.

"H-Hermione?" Hermione suddenly seemed like she wasn't able to take her eyes off him.

"I can't believe it's really you", she said, sobbing. She motioned closer and when Harry didn't object she came up to his lap and let her arms sneak up around his neck, sighing as she felt his warmth. Humming, she let her fingers tangle in his hair, pressing her cheek to his temples for a moment. Moving her face higher up his head, Hermione buried her nose into his raven black, messy hair and taking in a deep breathe. Harry shivered under her touch as she rested her chin against his forehead, stroking his hair in a very motherly fashion. "Oh, Harry."

Harry let his hands sneak around to her back, having his head rest upon her shoulder. He reached out and buried himself in her sweet smell. The curls tickled his face and the safe warmth made him reach a little too far and let his nose travel up her neck. Her skin felt soft and he could feel her swallowing underneath his touch. He had a really hard time not pull her into an iron grip and stay in the familiar feeling of her touch. Instead his nails bored into her back, causing Hermione to let a small noise escaping her throat.

Not daring to let go of each other, Hermione leaned back to gaze down into his eyes. A tear escaped her cheek and dropped down onto Harry's. Harry reached up with his thumb to wipe it away from her while Hermione bent down and carefully kissed it away, caressing Harry's cheek for a second or two.

Harry felt his breathe being caught in his throat and his grip around Hermione loosened for a moment.

When Hermione leaned back, her lips were slightly parted and her she looked like she was surprised by her own actions. Her eyes was wide opened in shock and she looked like she wanted to excuse herself but she didn't. She'd kissed his cheek before but this was different. His heart couldn't stop beating, but he was afraid that he'd really die if he didn't hug Hermione at that moment. And it actually wouldn't surprise him if he did, die that is, considering how fast his 

heart was pumping; like it was soon going to be so tired that the chain jumped off like on a bicycle. That's great! Would he die out of a heart attack just after finally clearing up his destiny? Typical.

A cold wind rustled the leaves above their heads and caused Hermione's honey brown curls move on her shoulders. The chill resulted in the two friends drawing closer, their arms around each other tightening.

The pink and clear blue light that colored the sky cast a magical light on the trees and Hermione's hair and eyes reflected in it. Her skin looked so soft, like it was glowing. But then her eyes sparkled with golden fairy dust as well.

Without having noticed before Harry realized when Hermione's eyes, half closed, swept over his face, that their faces had become closer. And it wasn't just Hermione's doing; Harry had lifted his head from the uneven trunk behind him to have her nearer.

Their noses were touching and Harry could almost see his own reflection in Hermione's tear-filled eyes. Her breathe warmed his lips and he parted them slightly, wanting to take her in.

Inhaling, Hermione slipped even closer to him. Her dark eyelashes had teardrops in them, but even though he seemed to have a similar memory, he didn't get any déjà vú feeling. Maybe it was because another feeling had taken over every inch of his body, maybe because her had a hard time remembering anything else than the girl hovering over him. But in fact he realized he didn't care. And that made him scared – because he knew Hermione felt the same way.

**Was that the best I'll ever be  
Was that the best I'll ever be**

Hermione's eyes fluttered shut and he felt her hesitating. Harry leaned forward instinctively to somehow sooth her and captured her lips with his. Doing so, Harry swallowed nervously, feeling Hermione's oh-so-soft lips grazing against his own. This got Hermione back on track though.

She leaned down over him pressing her lips harder onto his, her hair falling down like a curtain to protect them from the rest of the world. Having their lips parting for a second Hermione drew a shaky breath as Harry's hand travelled up to her neck, before the two of them leaned in for more. Hermione's trembling hands caressing the back of his head made Harry move his other hand down to her waist - obviously making Hermione a little nervous - and deepening the kiss.

It was so warm and safe and something snapped. The invisible bond in both their minds that had always been there was cut off and rushes of emotions flew into Harry from Hermione herself, causing her to press her body closer to his. Opening their mouths to each other they suddenly heard a sound. It sliced right through their raising passion and breaking apart they looked at each other.

They were both breathing heavily and Hermione, who was looking down at him, was both deeply flushed and star eyed.

Still caught in Hermione's curtain of hair they stared at each other for what felt like eternity. The fact that Harry had Hermione straddling him, her body pressed up against his, was in fact quite embarrassing. But neither moved nor said anything, because the truth was that neither of them wanted to. The realization hit them as another loud noise was heard to the right of them. The two of them flew off each other reaching for their wands that were both lying next to them, their tips glowing and spurting out rainbow colored stars. They both gave each other a flustered look as their hands touched reaching for their wands and upon hearing breaking of sticks and bushes 

being ruffled they rose quickly, their backs pressed to the others. Hermione reached for Harry's hand as they raised their wands and Harry took it and squeezed it once.

The noise went quiet and Hermione's grip tightened; the only sound that was heard was their still heavy breathings. Suddenly a familiar cry was heard and a huge creature stepped out from behind a big oak tree. The Hippogriff blinked at them and looked down with something that looked just like a smile.

"Buckbeak!" Hermione breathed, tears filling her eyes. They bowed quickly as the animal and old friend retrieved it.

"Did yeh find 'em, Buckey?" Came the half giant's voice from behind the creature. Hagrid came out and grinned upon seeing the two of them.

"Hullo there, Harry, Hermione." His black eyes were gleaming with happiness and relief. "How are yeh?"

"We're… we're fine", Harry said, glancing at Hermione who nodded. She knew as well as him their actions would be a discussed topic for the next time they would find themselves alone, but for now it would only stay as a lingering feeling.

The look on Hermione's face made Harry breathless but he tried very hard not to show it to Hagrid.

'I think Buckbeak knows something', Hermione's voice said softly in his head. Hearing it made Harry smile. Buckbeak opened his beak and made a cry that sounded an awful lot like a laugh.

"What're yeh musin' about, Buckey?" Hagrid asked. The Hippogriff turned its head to Harry and Hermione and blinked at them, burring up his feathers.

'I think you're right'. They met each others gaze before they were pulled into a monstrous hug by Hagrid. He sobbed loudly and Harry and Hermione tried to sooth him, their fingers still entangled. And even though Hermione didn't send him anything, Harry thought that he heard her thoughts for a second. It made his heart jump in his chest and all his worries were blown away.

'Never' he thought and held her hand tighter, her thoughts still ringing in his ears:

'Don't ever let me go'

**Was that the best I'll ever be?**

* * *

**A/N: So…? Umm, what did you think!? Please tell me! I LOVE comments! **


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